I am constantly sniffling. Maybe 50 days of the year at best I’m not. It’s one fo those things where I’m so use to it I dont notice it anymore. Like how my ears pop every time I swallow. Then every so often I realize it and it drives me mad. Sometimes when I’m falling asleep at night I realize that I’m breathing and once I think about that I have to focus on every breath or I start to panic. I’ve learned if I wiggle my feet around for a minut to distract me and I can go back to breathing naturally. It’s a nightly process. I was thinking about all that on my drive home today.
As I get older I can’t help but to laugh at those who are younger than me. I thought I was the shit in middle school. I swore all the time and thought fuck the world. Now when I see middle schoolers I can’t help but cringe and feel bad for those who had to deal with me at that age.
The one thing I realized I can’t stand is couples who break up and get back together. If you break up and get back together more than three times within a year. Clearly something isn’t working. Maybe take it as a sign that it’s not meant to be. Once you’re out of high school you’re old enough to stop act like that. Don’t be like Ross and Rachel. They’re were annoying with their ‘breaks’. I don’t get why everyone loved Friends so much. Watching adults do that is the worst. Especially when other people are involved. Maybe I’m still sour that I can’t see her dog now.
My dreams are always ridiculously vivid. My sister told me I hallucinate back in middle school because I’d think that conversations between us that happened were real. The first dream I really remember I had was when I was younger. Around first grade. In it I was at this girls house and I went out in the hallway for whatever reason. When I get in the hallway the door at the end of it opens and a jaguar comes out and chases me. Every so often it would be a black panther. Anyhow, I had that dream for years. I frequently lose teeth in my dreams too. I’ll have a tooth in my hand but then when I look in the mirror the replacement tooth is already there. The internet says that means somethings missing in my life or something. Whatever. Then there are the questionable dreams. Sitting at my grandparents kitchen table while my grandfather draws a picture of a baseball player. My grandmother is on the opposite side near the room shaving her head because she’s about to be executed. My aunt died a few years ago and she’ll pop up in my dreams and be like surprise bitch. You thought I was dead. I faked it. I’m here to ruin your life now. We had this doll that she made me when I was younger and I am convinced she did something weird to it because the dreams would happen nightly. Once we threw the doll away ago, maybe a month ago those dreams happen much less. I hold grudges for a day if the person has wronged me in my dream. Like my mom will have done something and when I wake up I’m angry and sit there like I can’t even talk to her today because I can’t believe she had the nerve to do that in my dream. Even though I know it’s not real.
Back in 2010 we went to Arizonia for spring break and I bought new shorts for it. I got them the day before we left and didn’t bother washing them. We went to the Red Rocks and I wore this dark denim pair. When I got back my thighs were stained blue from them. I think about that a lot. You can kind of tell in the picture if you zoom in. Granted I’m not good at laundry when I do it. I put as much as I can in. I dont separate colors or anything. I tend to have to rewash my clothes because I leave them in the washer too long since I’m lazy and dont want to go down stairs and put them in the drier.