This is suppose to be a post where I go back and view one of my old posting reflect on it. Given that I just started this a few weeks ago I thought it would be foolish to do so. I found my journal from last year. I’ve never been good at keeping journals. This person I knew told me I should so one day he could read it. Anyhow this is from January 13th, 2018.
“The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it. But we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”
(On the left page of the journal I would always write a quote or song lyrics. This is because I hate writing on the left pagers of things. The binding against my hand, drives me crazy.)
January 13th, 2018.
“Being numb is an odd feeling. You exist. Your body is physically there and the world is going on around you. Mentally though, you’re not. You’re off on another planet. Looking down on those who seem a million light years away. The voices surround you. It’s a muffled sound that floats around your head. The song Dark Blue is an accurate representation of the feeling. I can sit in a crowded room with everyone I love yet I won’t feel a thing. Medication helping. Nothing will completely solve the problem.”
Then my hand started to hurt since I type everything. I haven’t had that feeling in a while. I know it’s just around the corner though. Each year I try to cope with it a different way. I haven’t found anything that works completely. Welp. We shall see.